Emotional Intelligence: The Mythical Joneses

Most of us, at one time or another, suffer from the struggle to keep up with the Joneses. The house, the car, the education, the dream job, the luxurious vacations, the blissful marriage, the well-behaved kids with perfect teeth… We spend so much of our time and energy working hard to gain that next thing, and when we get there, we still find ourselves unsatisfied. We want more and better.

When I hear people talk about the Joneses, I ask them who the Joneses are in their own lives. “Who has everything you want?” Inevitably the answer is something like, “Well, I want the Smith’s marriage; I want Joan’s good looks; Susie’s kids are so well-behaved; Carolyn has a dream job; Andrea’s car is so fun…” It’s a list of names; it’s never just one.

You see, no one has it all. No one can. We achieve what we set out to achieve; we earn what we work for. If family is your top priority, you invest your time there and reap the benefits of those relationships. If health is your priority, you are more likely to work out and get that great body. If career advancement or material wealth is what you seek, you will have to make sacrifices along the way to get them; and those sacrifices may come to the detriment of your family and/or your health. Because no one can have it all.

The mythical Jones family we use as the gold standard does not exist. It is a composite of different individuals, families or couples, each with outcomes resulting from their own goals, priorities, commitment and sacrifices.

We can’t possibly know every detail of someone’s life; we don’t know all of the struggles they’ve encountered, the sacrifices they’ve made or the regrets they carry that have led them to where they are. All we see is the fruit of their labor, and even that, we may not see clearly.

Before you start setting your goals based on what someone else has or does, look in the mirror and decide for yourself what is really important to you. Then decide what you are willing to sacrifice to get it. Then make it happen, not for anyone else but for yourself. Your dreams need to be your dreams, not the Joneses’.

Get in S.H.A.P.E. ™
Clifford A. Bailey